Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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