GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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