Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
