Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
