And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
