I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
