OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
