After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many