Plan B is the new Plan A
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."