Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
