awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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