Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
