I need to stop coming to work sober
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
