Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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