who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
