I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize