i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
