Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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