Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
