Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
