I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry about my life...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
