I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
