happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
