I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
