I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
