he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
