Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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