I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
