I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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