Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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