if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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