did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
