guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
