i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want nice things and good sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
