I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
