didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
