i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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