you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
