I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
