So drunk its hurt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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