What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
