Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
