ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
