how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
