saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is wine microwaveable?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
