her vagine was all disorganized.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
