if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
