You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
