yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
