She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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