So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
