Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
did i just pee glitter
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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