Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
