I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
