RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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