May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
