Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
