wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
