You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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