Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to cum in my sink.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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