What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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