so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
