The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They took my balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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