did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
