The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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