He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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