oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
