Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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