just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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