Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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