Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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